I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
