I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
