I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
