Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
