What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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