We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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