Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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