1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize