I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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