Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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