I have demons in me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
