The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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