We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You were trust falling into bushes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
