I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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