He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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