Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
