He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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