Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
