I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
