Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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