you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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