the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
