you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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