please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
