Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
