OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
