Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
