Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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