he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
