you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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