Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
