First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
