I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
