dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
True strength comes from lack of pants
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
