If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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