She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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