she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
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