You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
