Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
