Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
