You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
