she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
