So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Mom said you looked used
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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