I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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