I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
