he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
