Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
