I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
