It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
