at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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