i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
