she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
