I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
