i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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