What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
