Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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