Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize