My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
