Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
