So drunk, too bad you don't want this
hell yes lets make some ravioli
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
