He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
